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How to Install a Husband!

A forwarded email : Not mine

Installing Husband (Funny)

A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy:

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman

She got a reply back from the Technical Support Guy.

DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: i thought you loved me. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install My-Mother 9.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources and make your Husband 1.0 crash permanently.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory, performance and reliability. We recommend: Sweet Talk 4.20, Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7 and Bed 6.9.

Good Luck Madam!
Tech Support

This was a forwarded mail

Soy Cookie – Diet Food

OK, took me a while, but here it is:
Triple Soy Cookies
1 c oats
2/3 c whole wheat flour
1/3 c soy flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/3 c soy nut butter (I use IM Healthy Unsweetened Chunky)
2 tbs vegetable oil
1 c sugar (I use xylitol to lower carbs)
1/3 c soy milk (again, to lower sugar/carbs, I use unsweetened)
2 tsp vanilla
2/3 c chocolate chips
1/3 c coarsely chopped nuts (whatever works for you… I’ve also done dried cranberries instead of nuts)
Preheat oven to 350
In large bowl, mix oats, flours, baking soda & salt
In small bowl, mix nut butter & oil until well blended, stir in sugar, soy milk & vanilla
Add wet misture to dry & stir with wooden spoon until JUST combined & then GENTLY fold in chips & nuts. Don’t overmix or the cookies will be tough!
Drop on to cookie sheets (greased, or I just use the silpat mats) by spoonfuls, about 2″ apart & bake until tops set & begin to look dry (approx 13-15 min) let cool 5 min before removing from sheets – put on wire racks to finish cooling.

These are always a big hit… I’ve even used them to make ice cream sandwiches — underbaked them a bit, and then put a scoop of ice cream btwn two & put into freezer to set. YUM!

My Maa!

My Maa , You are my Rose !
Edit
Posted on May 10, 2008 under My Lov Only !

I am nothing ever
Maa !
Its you who lives in me
yesterday , today and forever
Maa !
I can feel the pain
from the time of my birth
when u gave up ur sleep for me
Maa !
When i found u sitting near my bed
whole night with tears in ur eyes
Maa !
How can I forget the silent fights for me
Maa !
U are my confidence and strength
Maa !
U encouraged me to do what I believed
Maa !
The cries still pain me when u did kanyadaan
Maa !
I understood u more after my kids
Maa !
Forgive me for all my silly ways
for my sharp tongue
for thinking I know better
for not being there when u need me most
Maa !
I want to write more but my tears won’t let me
Maa !
I lov you Maa !

How to get tight skin after fat and weight loss?

Our skin is living thing too ! :) and will adjust to the body and take shape slowly over the period of time.

I have had two Cesarean-sections and have got back to my original shape within 6 months with minimal stretch marks.

Now may be these were due to the one or many factors that I took care of in my pregnancy.

1. I drank good amount of water.

2. Applied Shea Butter cream regularly.

3. Went to the gym after my 3rd month of pregnancy till I could manage.

4. Walked around and did everything myself as far as possible.

5. After my surgery healed, I joined back gym after 3 months! :) Yes! Initially I started with light weights and later moved on to heavy weights.

6. I made sure that I did mostly lower body workout only.

7. I kept the cardiovascular exercises to 10 min only.

8. I walked 30 min briskly daily before or after dinner.

9. A few years later I had again put on weight but recently managed to lose 8 kg in 3 months time. Again I did everything but with more intensity and difficulty. Mebbe cuz now my age mattered wrt the metabolism. Yes this time I do have stretch marks I did not apply shea butter at all. I am now starting on daily body massage with shea butter :) . Its working like a miracle. The skin is becoming taut and firmer. Of course I am doing weight training and cardio too. I play badminton and football once a week. Water, food etc are as per my BMI and height.

So moral of the story is … you will reap the fruits of all the hardwork with patience …. loose skin will become taut and firm but provided you work towards it too.

Remember it takes time to get back tight skin especially on the face after a drastic fat loss. But it’s not impossible.

Also there are special face massage and creams that work if applied correctly. And if nothing works there is the DOCTOR like the famous line from our very own bold gal Rakhi Sawant. :)

I am now working on face muscles and skin too. May be will write an article soon on that too. So keep reading and subscribe to the site.

How to lose pregnancy fat?

From 52Kg to 75Kg and back to 54Kg.

Wow Impressive isn’t !

Well thats my weight roller coaster from a good physique of near perfect stats to getting pregnant twice and delivering through the optional cesarean sections and getting back to original shape is one hell of a nightmarish trip.

I have been through several exhilarating happy moments to suicidal like depressions. But, here I am, all fit and a stats thats neighbors envy. :D

Infact my gym was after me for quite some months to get my before and after picture for their media advertisement.

But no way! I will not give them more than the credit they deserve which is only providing me with the tools.

All the motivation from slogging to deciding which exercise to do and how much weight I shud bear was all my planning. Yes they did guide me with the diet which any dumb can read on net now.

Believe me 80% is what you eat and the rest is only exercise. Out of that 20%, weight lifting is 10%, cardio is 5% and the rest 5% is being regular. But 100% motivation is needed.

My motivation were my expensive wardrobe that I had got from Sydney before we left that heavenly place.(why@#$%^). Every month I would try to fit into my amazing trousers and Tshirts and mentally plan out next set of workout to loose enough for a month.

Ok since I like to write in points here I will let u into my secrets of weigh loosing without loosing sight of goal or nerve.

1. I started with diet which definitely did not mean not eating food. Infact I was eating more. 6 times small meals with more protien and fibre. And less carbohydrate and fat. I ate one protein item like daal/curd/paneer/chicken/fish/rajma/soyabeans. Lots of salad and vegetables. Only one roti, that too as small as a cd. I have now wheat mixed with soyabeans and make roti out of this mix.

2. After I woke up I had a glass of warm water with lemon juice and a tablespoon of flaxseed/alsi/jawas/linseed. All are same, but works wonders with wt reduction plan. They provide u with enough omega3 which keeps ur joints rocking smoothly even in old age. U can eat fishes too.

3. A good breakfast like poha, upma, eggs, bread 2 slices, tea or milk. I have had only these. U can try fruits and other options as what u eat at this time of the day is always digested and will never make u fat. So if u want to eat chocolate, sweets, or even paratha u can eat now.

4. After an hour of breakfast I wud take 30ml of aloevera juice. Buy only Brimune brand as the others are Rs100 cheaper but bitter like hell. Aloe is again very good sugar controller which is v imp for wt loss.

5. Workout at a gym. I did 10 min of cardio which was mostly running on treadmill at v high speed or cycling fast. Cardio uses up the carbs in ur blood stream and makes way for stored fat to be used when u continue working out. Another reason to do cardio is that it makes available all the oxygen to the lower part of ur body which will be very much in need when u do legs work out.

6. Ok one imp thing, if u want to loose wt, please dont waste time on doing too much shoulder, amrs, biceps, triceps, neck. When you do legs workout like squatting, u will use all the muscles in one shot. So stick to legs , back and to an extent chest only. Legs and back have largest muscles. So the more u work them out the faster u will loose wt. Another thing is that there is no funda like spot reduction. When u loose fat, it is like from ur bank account of fats. U loose fat from areas u put on fat last, then from the earlier fatty areas. Last will be the areas like u tummy and bums as they were the first areas u gained fat. So it takes longer to mobilise them and loose them. People get de motivated when they donot find changes in these bulky areas . So instead of looking at one area of concern keep measuring your body size in inches every 15 days. You will be motivated to see u r loosing inches at least. Some times u will not loose wt yet when u measure ur body u wud have lost in inches. That is a sign to say that u need to increase the weights u have been picking as your body has got used to current wt and is now only toning ur muscles.

7. Pick up wt that you can do 15 reps.But mind you, after 10th rep it should be killing to do every next rep. These next 5 reps after 10th are the ones which u r using to burn the stored fat. If you can easily do 15 reps then u r wasting ur time and money.

8. After 2 months to change the monotony, I had started doing 5 min of cardio before every leg workout to make optimum blood supply flow to my lower portions, so that I can use them for more n more wts. I can do 280 pounds squatting both side added. :-) hehe she-man!!!

9. When you are working out keep sipping water after every set as it will keep your body saturated and cool. Also be as close to fans or ACs when ur working out. All these small steps boost ur capacity to lift more. Please donot believe the idiots who tell u that when you sweat out more, you will loose more fat. These type of people never finish the line ever!!!

10. My gym has a juice center outside to lure thirsty people like me. But Never drink fruit juices thru out ur wt-loss plan. Its got only sugar that is needed to revive a giddy or fainting person, not u. U will feel giddy if u have not had a good breakfast or enough carbs 1 hour before ur workout . So donot skip food before gym.

11.Then eat atleast 6 meals of lots of protein and salads. I wud drink a glass of buttermilk and eat a big bowl of salad before eating lunch and dinners. That way I am too full to even look at roti. I had stopped eating rice, sugar, banana and butter. No cakes, cookies, sweets, soft drinks, liquor.

12. When you are working out, you need to get lots of protein, they help to repair torn and aching muscles. Also they help in burning stored fat when protein is being digested. I had started taking protein powder too in my milkshake. I also made protein bars at home to eat when I was hungry betweeb meals. That was I was not tempted to eat chips, biscuit or any fattening food.

13. drink lots of water as they help to transport all the nutrition from one place to another. Water will keep ur body cool remove the extra by product of the protein u eat. I wud keep 2 bottles with me and had to finish them before I slept, over the period of 24 hours.

14. Lots of people ask me question like these:

a: What is best time to workout. …anytime you want to.

b: Will you gain wt after you stop working out… no way as you need to stop eating as much protein as you were eating when you were working out. If you continue to eat same as you did while working out, you will gain weight and no muscle.

c: Dieting is bad…yes if u think it means to stop eating or less eating. On the contrary you eat more number of times the right food.

d: Not allowed to work out after a surgery….oh please give me a break! My doc said after 1 month you should start exercising, but with careful moves and little weights.

15. How can I forget my maids who have been one of the greatest help in my weight reduction plan as they would bunk nearly 8-10 days in a month and I would be left to do all the work with 2 toddlers alone. boohoohoooo.

16. And all thanks to my sons who have not let me sleep for last 2.5 years for more than 2 hours at a stretch. Hence I have been on my toes trying to loose and maintain my wt loss fiasco.

Check these sites for more detailed reports on flaxseed, omega3, fish, aloevera. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/medicalnews.php?newsid=10262 http://www.medicinalfoodnews.com/vol06/issue1/fishandomega3.htm http://www.harmonyindia.org/hportal/VirtualPageView.jsp

Black & Decker – Vacuum Cleaner

I have two toddlers.

There are days when both are down with cold cough and make me mad with series of vomits, spilling and throwing food all around. I would take half an hour to clean the slimy vomit when the next bout was already done in the next room!!!!

I sat up one night and gave a search on google… tips clean vomit ease fast quick.

And loo there came the boon of my life. :)

Black and decker rechargeable cordless handy vomit sucking vacuum cleaner.

I immediately placed an order on Amazon.com for Black & Decker DB425 DustBuster Deluxe Cordless Wet Dry Vac . That was the last when I saw myself cursing and cleaning. I now sometime wait to show off my friends that how in seconds I am a happy mom with clean and dry vomit and spill proof home.

I payed $28 for the whole set. You have to buy an adapter too as it needs voltage conversion. By the way if you want to buy it from amazon.com, make sure you buy it on a friday sale day.

I love it, and trust me you too will never regret buying this Vacuum Cleaner. :)

Be careful when you the place order, it should be mentioned clearly that it suck liquids too.

I love it.

DUMB DUMB DUMB – Indica Car Advertisement

AS I ran to watch the commercial, I split into laughter as my 2.9 and 1.4 year old sons who were fighting for the same car , were still holding eachother but were glued to the tv screen.

The Indica dumb dumb dumb ad had even these two kids into its melodious magical fold.:)

The commercial for the Xeta, done by FCB Ulka, the first shot is of four attractive girls in an Indica Xeta. They are on their way to a picnic, “It’s the right kind of day to soak up the sun. To get out there and have some fun!” This is the song they all are singing line by line. As they move on, they see a hunk standing by.

The girls stop their car and and start giving him looks and suggestive body movements. They ask the guy suggestively if he knows any man who can rub suntan lotion.

The dumbo looks at them blankly , and, after thinking for a while, points in a direction and says, “Maybe you should try the beach café.” !!!!

The four girls don’t believe their ears and shout, “Dumb!” and speed away in their car.

The next shot shows the dumbo staring them still wondering what was wrong !

The voiceover says, “Fortunately, life gives you a second chance. So, here’s the new Indica Xeta.” The voice over again mentions the three benefits of the car (an average mileage of 14 kilometres per litre , a seventy PS power and price Rs 2.78 lakh). The voiceover concludes, “If you still don’t get it…” after which the girls appear next to the car and complete the line, “…you gotta be dumb!” The Voice Over adds, “Got it?”

It’s one of my favorite advertisements and I don,t remember if even for a second , I have wanted to look anywhere else while its on. The picturesque scenary is breathtaking. It always gives me that open, peaceful and fresh feeling while watching it. The models in the ad are a pleasure to watch. All four models ( females) have absolutely unique style and very expressive way of saying those few words.

Watch them carefully next time and you will see what I mean. Every model has done more than justice to the ad not only in their way of talking but even their eyes talk. The whole body language is amazing.

Not to forget the dumbo there. He has left no leaf unturn to prove that he is dumb! HAHAHAH I am still laughing as my sons are again glued to the screen !!! Although this ad does seem to be INSPIRED by the movie Dumb and Dumber, but who cares as it long as done beautifully and gets it message across its viewers. “It’s the right kind of day to soak up the sun. To get out there and have some fun!”

If you read my review and soak up the fun, do get out there and let few comments done!!! :)

Packing from hair pin to laptop for a travel.

I enjoy travelling and the most amazing part is I love packing.

I guess my habit of organizing things takes care of packing. I am known for it in my family and if I am around they will all be relaxed to see me meticulously packing the last safety pin. Hehehe.

I have travelled so much and shifted to so many flats thanks to 11 months rental pacts, that packing for a trip is a game for me.

OkOK! I am coming to the point now and stop bragging about my packing skill.

First of all please copy the check list which I am pasting here.

This is one of the most sought after doc in my friends and family circle.

Clothes for traveller no 1

1. Sweater
2. Jacket
3. T shirts = number of days out of house + 1 extra
4. Trouser = 1+number of days in office /2
5. Shirts = number of days in office
6. Tie = number of meetings or maximum 3
7. Undergarment sets = number of days out of house + 1 extra
8. Socks = number of days out of house + 1 extra
9. Shoes = 1 black pair and 1 brown pair if formals
10. Casual shoes = 1 pair
11. Chappal = 1 pair
12. Towel = 1 Big + 1 small
13. handkerchief = 2 (I prefer tissue)
14. Shoe polish which color to choose
15. Sandals matching to outfits
16. Belt
17.Casual outfit set = no of days
18. saree set= min

Toilet Kit for traveller 1

1. Toothbrush
2. Toothpaste
3. Hair brush / comb
4. hand brush or pocket comb
5. Tongue cleaner
6. Bath Soap
7. Washing Soap
8. Toilet role
9. Shaving Brush
10. Shaver
11. Shaving gel/ cream
12. After shave
13. Deo / Anti-perspirant
14. Perfume
15. Jewellery matching to outfits Gadgets etc

1. Camera
2. role
3. digital camera
4. Charger for camera
5. Mobile
6. Mobile charger
7. Spectacles
8. Glares
9. Laptop bag with charger.
10. Pen
11. Diary or thin notepad
12. Mp3 player / cassette/cd player with cds and tapes

Medicine
1. Saridon 1 strip
2. Pudin Hara 1 strip
3. Paracetamol 1 strip
4. D cold 1strip
5. Band aid 1 pack
6. Kailash Jeevan or Silverx tube for any cuts, burns, bites, rash etc
7. Normet 1 strip for stomach upset

Snacks
1. Chips/ cheesling/cheeseballs
2. Biscuit
3. Cold drinks = number of people
4. Water = 1liter * number of people
5. Toffee especially orange and candy
6. Bananas and oranges

For kids number1

1. T shirts = Number of days * 2
2. Trouser = Number of days * 2
3. Jacket =min 2 – max 4
4. Socks = Number of days
5. Shoes = Min 2 pair
6.Chappal
7. Bibs = Number of days
8. Napkins = number of days
9. belt
10. Caps = min 2
11. gloves
12. blanket
13. towel
14. Bath gel no tear
15. Toilet seat
16. Diaper
17. Toothpaste
18. Toothbrush
19. Tongue Cleaner
20. Hair brush
21. Nappy rash cream
22. Ibugesic plus syrup
23. Dcold syrup
24. crocin drops
25. ORS sachets 5
26. Band aid 5
27. Silverx / Kailash Jeevan
28. Chocolate/ tofees
29. toys
30. books

Givenchy Pi – Heaven In Bottle!

I was trying to look for any review on pepper spray, for my self defence workshop, when my search found me looking into this lovely bottle.
It’s a beauty to look at.
The trapezium front and triangular shaped bottle has a golden tinge and looks very appealing. Befits a kings’ closet. There is a beautiful embossing also on the bottle glass, which is great to feel. I collect unusual bottles, so may be I get carried away with the bottles more than the content.
givenchy pi

But guys this was my hubby’s birthday gift. So I had to be careful and not give in to my interest.
You know there is a secret to making men fall in love. Hmm secret of the most important part of human beings being divulged free of cost! Bahut naainsaafi hai!

No problem, I will try to be content by believing that I have given the society another valuable gift of my knowledge.

All u babes, remember one very simple but important fact about men. All men ( exceptions barred) consciously or subconsciously are looking for their mothers in their girlfriends and wives! So the old saying that the easiest way to man’s heart is thru his tummy, is absolutely correct. But what has that to do with the PI bottle.

Simple darlings! This EDT has the same aroma that most loved food have. The cakes, buiscuits and most sweet baked goodies have VANILLA essence in them. Its the same aroma that tingles and reminds men of their mom, that is stuffed in this heavenly bottle.

Vanilla is one of the most sought after fragrance by men and women. PI EDT from Givanchy is quite strong. You can spray on the throbbing body parts, like your wrist, bend of ur arms, near ur adams apple and ofcourse on face. Its pretty longlasing too. SO try not to spray on your clothes, as it will takes 2-3 good washes to get the smell off. That is also an advantage for people who like to hang their clothes back after one wear. No harm at all. But remember to use only PI when you wear the same suit.

It seemed expensive when I had bought this a few years back, $120 Australian which is around Rs 3500/- for a bottle of 100ml. But trust me it last loooonnnnnnngggggggggggggggggg.

Another secret. I use it too, its soooooooooooooooooooo enchanting and addictive!

Try it, and see the difference.

AMWAY MLM – Merchants of Deception

I am glad I did not give in to the pressure tactics to join the MLM called AMWAY.

AMWAY is a well known MLM, who refuses to call themselves MLM i.e. multi level marketing.

I do not think I can ever explain the goose bumps I got when I by chance stumbled upon a link called “Merchants Of Deception”. I thanks my stars and my then recent happenings which warned me. My intutions told me to stay away and I trusted it to be saved from a situation that many are struggeling to come out of.

The way to know about this AMWAY scam is by reading the book written by an AMWAY person himself.

DOWNLOAD Sample chapter from the book “Merchants of Deception”.html now this link is dead as the person who had the guts to write and post his experiences on this link is no more showing the pdf but still this new link shows that once upon a time someone tried telling the truth.