Complaints are very odd situation for any mom, especially when it's about our own kids ! 🙁
I am not going into the thesis of handling complaints as I believe it's differently handled with different situations. What works for one school may not apply to another school. So the best way is to be open, be guided by the one's own set of values and never attempt to please others or reprimand your kid in front of others to satisfy them.
I had a parent who came up with a silly about my son telling her daughter, that he does not like to play with girls!
Now, what do I tell her? So I kept quiet and told her I will handle this later with my son who is only 4.5yr old. 🙂 I did ask him the reason as to why said so to her daughter. He answered it because she not play what I want to play!
So, what goes in a child's brain is something we will not know unless we discuss it with them. Hence no point reacting when someone comes with a complaint about my kid.
I am not one of those parents who do not think about the behaviour of the kids in public or private.
A few months back my elder son started crying whenever he had to get ready and go to the school! He is one child who loves to study. So when for a week he did not go happily to his school, I tried to find out his problem. But I guess small kids do not themselves know what their problem is. So I thought I will accompany him in his school for a few days and hopefully will find out the reason of his misery.
The first day he was happy to see me at the door of his class room. I found he was sitting with a different child than his earlier partner. So I asked him, when did he start sitting with this different boy. He reply coincided with the days since when he had started complaining about the school.
So I casually asked him, how was this new partner. My son started crying. He mentioned that the new boy did not share his pencils and colors with him! 😀 . I knew I had solved the mystery. Next morning I went to the school and requested the teacher to change his partner back to the earlier one. She was cooperative and did so. Now from next day onwards my son stopped complaining!
Sometimes very insignificant change in the kid's life can cause trauma, which we moms have to reason out. I like to become a child when handling their problems and instantly know the cause.
My younger one has been crying too and doe not want to go to his school. But his reason was that he has to wait for a long time in the school bus before rest of the older kids sat in and the bus drove off. Now, that's one problem I will have to make him understand he has to live with. So I tell the bus conductor every morning to bring my kid early, just to make my kid feel relaxed for rest of the day he is in the school. I do plan to talk to the school about this complaint and find out if something can be done about it.
Kids also come back with their complaints about my kid. The best way to handle is to ask both the kids to narrate their story in front of each other to me. That way I know the truth and most of the time, the kid who is wronged knows too and will walk away with a sorry. 🙂
Some times, there are other's kids who have either hit my kid or in someway made my kid upset. I have found the best way to handle it is by asking my kid to goto the aunty (mother of the other kid) and tell her to solve the problem. We moms have to only lend our ears to their complaints and the kids are too happy to be heard. They do not expect any action most of the time! So a simple reply like "I will scold him/her" is all that is needed to make a crying child happy.
But what if your friend comes up with a complaint !!!!
Now that's a serious stuff to handle. If the friend is really sensible, she would have handled it herself. But in case she is incapable of sorting kid related problem, them I do reason it out with friends. I am very broad minded and like to give space to kids and friends. So most of the time a problem to my friend is not a difficult thing to handle. But then, I do take care to try and answer the problem in the language the friend will understand. For example if a friend is open minded, it's easy to logic it out. But if a friend is little conservative, then I try my best to make her understand why it's best for her to be little more open for her kid's future. Most of the time a good friend will not need any explaination. 🙂
Schools and teacher also come to parents with complaints. I have never feared any complaints from any school and handle it very casually in front of the teachers. If you panic and start accepting that your child is at fault, you will never come to know the real cause. Keep cool and after listening to the complaint, try to reason it out with the teacher. I always let the teacher suggest me the solution too. That way the teacher is also satisfied and I get the best suggestion from an experienced person. Afterall they are handling such situation on the daily basis. 🙂
There are some schools that will spoil their image because of one teacher or one office person, who was not sensitive enough towards a kid or the parent. These schools representatives will argue, put down the parent, warn the kid and parent and humiliate them. Such schools are digging their own grave. So a parent must immediately get in touch with the principal or the head of the school management and make them aware of the whole scenario before it gets ugly.
I believe every problem comes with several solutions. It's up to us parents to chose the right solution which will in the long run do good to the kid and the complainant. Oflate I have become an Agony Mom :D. A lot of my friends and readers have shown confidence in me and I really am honored. I have added a new page to handle it more effectively just for you. It's called "ASK AGONY MOM".
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Regarding another kid hitting your kid, is it better for the concerned parent to talk to the other parent about what their kid did to your kid. Instead of the parent asking their kid to go and talk directly to the other kids mother(aunty). What is the reason the latter is better than the former.
When the bigger kids bully my son, like grabbing his toy etc, I usually keep a watch from a distance because I want him to learn to handle it. For now he keeps cool, and walks off and plays with something else.He does not cry or complain to me. But I keep a lookout that they dont harm him. Like once I saw an older girl point a stick near his eye. Then I just carried him away from her. Do you think there was something else I should have done, like inform the girls mother or tell the girl sweetly not to do it?.
Madhurie Singh says
I do agree with your viewpoint when some kid has does something drastic or is repeatedly hitting another child. That’s the time parent intervention is needed. But for everyday playtime it’s better to let go by assuring the child that I would scold another child or will tell his mom :). Most of the time just that much assurance is enough for my kids. They also believe I am Superwoman and go out each night in my costume and will take care of anyone who did any harm to them. 😀 They are now interested in taking a look at my costume !!!
In case of the girl poking eyes ! I would have sat down and explained and made her understand what could happen to the eyes. Try it, kids love to know new stuff if explained well.
But I guess it’s totally our call assessing the situation.
Thanks for sharing, appreciate it.